The Road to Self-Improvement
Brown Owl has published a pamphlet of Useful Sayings to catch the Village Hall Coffee Morning Market. It is full of timely advice for those trudging along The Road to Self-Improvement.
Unfortunately, despite my regular New Year resolutions to evolve into a fine upstanding villager, I have noticed that far from being healthy, wealthy and wise this morning, I am in fact, barely functioning.
Barely functioning
As you may imagine, I am determined to pinpoint exactly how I got myself into this sorry state &
- learn from it
- get a grip for the future.
Where I went Wrong:
Last night, I didn’t go to bed early. In fact, I didn’t go to bed at all. After supper, the Agent went to bed and I decided to watch the first episode of ‘The Crown’ on Netflix. Be warned! Newly wise after the event, I now know I made not just one but two bad errors of judgement.
Mistake #1. I signed up to Netflix
Mistake #2. by snuggling up on a bean bag with lots of cushions under a rug, I made myself too warm and cosy.
Having enjoyed Episode 1 very much, I thought I’d quickly watch Episode 2:
& Episodes 3, 4, 5…
& Episodes 7, 8…..
& Episodes 9, 10 …
…ZZZ zzzz zzz zz
Yours vowing never to binge watch Netflix again,
A Cautionary Tale
A Cautionary Tale
Just in case any of you are thinking of Spring Cleaning in the near future, I thought I should post this cautionary tale so that you may take an informed decision as to whether or not it’s a good idea…
What happens when Martha Stewart cleans her windows:
Miss Martha Stewart, America’s legendary home-making guru, instructs:
Dirty panes are no problem when you use rubber-edged squeegees, which are quicker and more effective than cloth or newspaper. They come in a variety of sizes — and a screw-on extension will let you reach high spots.
To start, dip a sponge into a bucket of warm water and a few drops of mild dish soap. Wet window; rub dirt away. Dampen squeegee; starting at an upper corner, draw it down pane from top to bottom. Repeat, overlapping strokes and wiping rubber edge with sponge after each stroke. (For large windows, ”snake” squeegee back and forth; then touch up edges.) Dry windowsills with a cloth.
(Source: www.marthastewart.com)
What happens when I clean my windows:
Feeling inspired, I decided to clean the insides of my windows a while ago. I don’t have a rubber-edged squeegee but I equipped myself with a proper glass cleaner and an e-cloth so I could feel pleasantly like Ms. Stewart.
While I was rubbing a few dirty spots away, I happened to notice a small cobweb just at the top of the window, under the curtain pelmet.
While I was de-cobwebbing the curtain, I realised that actually there were dreadful cobwebs all over the house so I had to spend ages wobbling about on top of a ladder while wafting around the vacuum cleaner with all its extension tubes attached.
I ended up wearing several cobwebs which is not a great look. The washing machine had to go into overdrive and there was no hot water left for my emergency bath.
Once the walls were de-cobwebbed successfully, I suddenly noticed that they could do with a paint.
While I was painting the kitchen, I saw that the skirting boards were horribly scuffed and needed a good sanding down.
After I’d finished with the sander, I discovered I’d been a bit over-enthusiastic and had to apply 2 tubes of wood filler to fill in the dents I’d made.
Having filled up all the holes and sanded everything down again, I then had to remove all the cupboard doors from their hinges and take off the handles
so that I could paint all the woodwork.
When I took the cupboard doors off to be painted,
I had to tidy up everything in the cupboard before it all fell out onto the floor.
After I had re-hung the doors on their hinges, I found some un-nerving left-overs which I don’t know what to do with.
I also found some paint splodges on the floor and had to steam clean it. As I had the steam cleaner out, I decided to whizz it over the curtains and discovered the lining in one pair had torn and needed replacing. Mending the curtains took up all a weekend I had been carefully saving for better things. When I re-hung the curtains, I noticed that the windows needed cleaning.
I believe Messrs Flanders and Swann once suffered a similar circular problem and were inspired to write a song called, ‘The Gas Man cometh’; they lived off the royalties for years.
And the moral of this cautionary tale is…
Before you decide to embark on anything rash, do please decide whether you resemble Martha Stewart or me most closely so that you can plan the forseeable future accordingly.
Yours vigorously querying the assertion that, ‘Dirty panes are no problem’,
Mad Dogs and Englishmen…
Mad Dogs and Englishmen…
Early this morning, as it was such a beautiful sunshiny day,
I decided to go for a relaxing spin on my bike.
Relaxing? LOL.
Yours remembering with heartfelt nostalgia, those summer days back in July when the sun came out & stayed out & my bike rides were so much more straightforward,
Summer is icumen in!
Summer is icumen in!
Sumer is Icumen in,
Loudly sing, cuckoo!
Grows the seed and blows the mead,
And springs the wood anew;
Sing, cuckoo!
A Summer Bank Holiday Barbecue!
The Ox and Moose decided to lay on a beautiful summery Barbecue to enable Castle Coopians celebrate the summer-is-a-coming-in May Bank Holiday. Hurrah! This is what living in a tiny English village is all about! What could be a more convivial way of passing a bank holiday afternoon than chatting with one’s friends and neighbours in the local pub’s garden? Pimms in hand, children and dogs running happily about, delicious scents wafting over from the steaks on the barbecue and the lilac blossom on the trees – what a great recipe for a relaxing village get-together.
Ingredients for the Ox and Moose Village Barbecue:
- A freshly mown beautiful green sward for us all to stand about on and chat together … Tick.
- Tables dotted about the green sward for families to sit at with parasols to give a shade/sun option…. Tick.
- A Bouncy Castle for the little children to jump about on….Tick.
- The Castle Coop Village Barbecue laden with sausages & burgers ready to waft out the requisite delicious summery smells on summery breezes…Tick.
- Countless jugs of wonderful summery Pimms to accompany the scrummy barbecue….Tick.
- The traditional convivial atmosphere of a British village party held outdoors in the sunshine…. Tick.
Hurrah!
except…oh dear.. Where on earth was the beautiful summery sunshiny afternoon?.
Revised ingredients for the Ox and Moose Village Barbecue:
- Wellington boots as the Ox and Moose’s beautiful green sward was awash….Tick.
- Umbrellas rather than parasols….Tick.
- A Dripping Bouncy Castle…Tick.
- The Castle Coop Village Barbecue hidden under loads of umbrellas to protect all the sausages and burgers from the driving rain…. Tick.
- Countless cups of hot tea to protect against the chill factor…. Tick.
- The traditional convivial atmosphere of a British village party held outdoors in the rain…. TICK!
&…….. a very good time was had by all!
Summer is Icumen in (revised for our Great British Weather)
Sumer is Icumen in,
Loudly shiver, Brr Brr!
Pours the rain and blows the breeze,
And come our brollies out anew;
Put on your wellies, Squelch, Squelch!
The appalling weather blip going on in Castle Coop at the moment means once again, I am wrapped up in my michelin-man look-alike outfit in a bid to stay warm. I hope you are warmer than I am…
Yours, feeling as if it’s November inside and out,
Am I forgiven?
I am hopeful the Agent has forgiven me for giving him my cold.
He’s sitting by the fire keeping warm.
I see he’s left the last piece in the jigsaw for me to put in…
That bodes well don’t you think?
Yours hopefully,
Feeling a bit meh? Is your standard information diet – The Times, Le Figaro, Die Welt, The Washington Post et al… ok for global news but not quite cutting it on those all – important village updates?
Catching up with ‘The Awesome Hen’
Want to join us but don’t live in Castle Coop? You’re in luck ! Yay!
Our crack Editorial Team at The Awesome Hen:
News Reporter
Lady Liberty Hen
WW1 Centenary & Barbecue Enthusiast
The Agent Pastoral Guide
The Rev. Rosecomb (aka Trev the Rev) Film and TV Buff
The Graf von Blommehön Gardening Guru
Lady Lohmann-Brown Party giver Extraordinaire
Lady Egality Maran Sporting Correspondent
Sir Plymouth Rock Author of '101 Ways to Organise Everything & Everyone'
Brown Owl Castle Coop Local Celebrity
Lady Eftie Nudge Castle Coop Resident Tourist
Julia. I'm allowed to be present at editorial meetings so long as I sit at the back & colour in quietly. 
Content Copyright 2021
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All rights reserved.
All the villagers you meet in The Awesome Hen live in the virtual village of Castle Coop and nowhere else. They are entirely their own selves and have no alter egos in either the actual or the virtual world.