A Cautionary Tale
Just in case any of you are thinking of Spring Cleaning in the near future, I thought I should post this cautionary tale so that you may take an informed decision as to whether or not it’s a good idea…
What happens when Martha Stewart cleans her windows:
Miss Martha Stewart, America’s legendary home-making guru, instructs:
Dirty panes are no problem when you use rubber-edged squeegees, which are quicker and more effective than cloth or newspaper. They come in a variety of sizes — and a screw-on extension will let you reach high spots.
To start, dip a sponge into a bucket of warm water and a few drops of mild dish soap. Wet window; rub dirt away. Dampen squeegee; starting at an upper corner, draw it down pane from top to bottom. Repeat, overlapping strokes and wiping rubber edge with sponge after each stroke. (For large windows, ”snake” squeegee back and forth; then touch up edges.) Dry windowsills with a cloth.
(Source: www.marthastewart.com)
What happens when I clean my windows:
Feeling inspired, I decided to clean the insides of my windows a while ago. I don’t have a rubber-edged squeegee but I equipped myself with a proper glass cleaner and an e-cloth so I could feel pleasantly like Ms. Stewart.
While I was rubbing a few dirty spots away, I happened to notice a small cobweb just at the top of the window, under the curtain pelmet.
While I was de-cobwebbing the curtain, I realised that actually there were dreadful cobwebs all over the house so I had to spend ages wobbling about on top of a ladder while wafting around the vacuum cleaner with all its extension tubes attached.
I ended up wearing several cobwebs which is not a great look. The washing machine had to go into overdrive and there was no hot water left for my emergency bath.
Once the walls were de-cobwebbed successfully, I suddenly noticed that they could do with a paint.
While I was painting the kitchen, I saw that the skirting boards were horribly scuffed and needed a good sanding down.
After I’d finished with the sander, I discovered I’d been a bit over-enthusiastic and had to apply 2 tubes of wood filler to fill in the dents I’d made.
Having filled up all the holes and sanded everything down again, I then had to remove all the cupboard doors from their hinges and take off the handles
so that I could paint all the woodwork.
When I took the cupboard doors off to be painted,
I had to tidy up everything in the cupboard before it all fell out onto the floor.
After I had re-hung the doors on their hinges, I found some un-nerving left-overs which I don’t know what to do with.
I also found some paint splodges on the floor and had to steam clean it. As I had the steam cleaner out, I decided to whizz it over the curtains and discovered the lining in one pair had torn and needed replacing. Mending the curtains took up all a weekend I had been carefully saving for better things. When I re-hung the curtains, I noticed that the windows needed cleaning.
I believe Messrs Flanders and Swann once suffered a similar circular problem and were inspired to write a song called, ‘The Gas Man cometh’; they lived off the royalties for years.
And the moral of this cautionary tale is…
Before you decide to embark on anything rash, do please decide whether you resemble Martha Stewart or me most closely so that you can plan the forseeable future accordingly.
Yours vigorously querying the assertion that, ‘Dirty panes are no problem’,
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I have no idea how you managed all of the above without going insane. Don’t you just hate it when one seemingly simple task leads to a never-ending list of domestic drudgery?!
Hi Izzie, Thanks for visiting Castle Coop! My Springcleaning / DIY saga gets even worse… I put up a curtain pole last Thursday which by Friday morning had fallen down leaving a large hole in the wall. Now I’ve got to go and get some plaster filler for to mend it and then have another go at the curtain pole hanging. Perhaps it’s all character building!
GOSH, Lady Liberty! I am very impressed that you did all this (in one weekend!?), and I am also reconsidering any sort of household work of my own…Fantastic post! I loved reading it.
Dear Kate, Thank you so much for being so nice 🙂 but I’m afraid I don’t deserve your plaudits… it was only mending the curtains that took the weekend. I am STILL painting!
Good to know that the gas tap still turns on. I am sure that the whole effect is very resplendent and how virtuous you must feel after all your labours. Glad to hear that the skirting board has been successfully re-attached.
Hello dear Digby D! Hope you are well & yes the gas tap still works & the skirting board is back on (with the addition of rather a lot of wood filler) but I don’t feel virtuous. The whole project is getting out of control. I seem to be creating rather a lot of new diy jobs.
Great writing Lady Liberty – made me laugh like an old hen. That’s why I never attempt the cleaning for fear of all it would reveal…..
Sir Plym sends love from beside the log fire. xxx
Dearest Lady E, an old hen??? We are in the Prime of Life!
Your house is always IMMACULATE – I don’t think anything would ever fall out of your cupboards. Please send love from the Agent and me back to the both of you!
Love this post!
How lovely of you to say – thank you so much. How are you doing? I hope you are very well and having a great weekend!
It’s awesome that all that only took one weekend! It would hav taken me several years.
That’s so kind of you to be so supportive but I’m afraid I don’t merit it. Alas, it was only lining the curtains that took a weekend – the rest does seem to be taking me several years and I’m not nearly finished. It’s like painting the Forth Bridge. I shall clarify my text immediately!