"The Awesome Hen"

An illustrated Newsletter from a virtual English village full of hens

Election Anxiety

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worrying-about-the-election-2016

 

Yours feeling anxious in Castle Coop

Liberty Hen signature

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How to Achieve Your Goals in 6 Easy Steps.

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A small brown hen who loves London, cycling, & kindly dogs.

 TAH 03/16

It’s been another busy week here in Castle Coop…

 

The Village Hall boiler has given up the ghost. There is no heating for the pilates classes and worse, no hot water for the washing up after our post-pilates coffee & brownies.

 Our loyal readers will be delighted to hear that The Graf and Lady Egality Maran lost no time in resolutely stepping  up to the mark to resolve the Village Hall boiler crisis. They have been working their heads off co-authoring yet another excellent guide in The Awesome Hen’s popular ‘6 Easy Steps’ Series! We are very proud to preview the abridged edition here in this newsletter for you. All monies raised by the sale of the guide will be donated to the Village Hall New Boiler Fund. As with the previous guides published by the Castle Coop duo, copies with a foreword written & signed by Lord Eftie Nudge, may be ordered in advance from Castle Coop Castle.

 

 

 

We Love Lord Eftie!

 

 

Alternatively, unsigned copies may be bought from villagers taking part in Castle Coop’s Open Gardens during the last weekend of July. 

 

The Awesome Hen’s Guide to achieving all  your goals in 6 easy steps. (copyright: The Graf & Lady Egality 2016)

 

Introduction: How many of us muddle along aimlessly through life? In this little guide, we have endeavoured to help you fill your life with purpose. Learn about forethought and planning,  sign up for our Life map reading course, . read our guide for goal setting and attainment.  Take our 6 easy steps & start checking off those goals!

The Method:

  1. Decide on your goals & write them down.
  2. Keep on the list only those goals which are both realistic & achievable; ruthlessly cull the rest.
  3. Set out the tasks needed to make these goals a reality in an orderly list.
  4. Assemble all equipment required to perform each task on your list in advance. Doing so will ensure you give yourself the best chance of success. If by nature you incline to a more haphazard approach, please bear in mind that neither Valerie Singleton nor Konnie Huq ever embarrassed themselves by having to interrupt the Blue Peter show to nip out  to the shops because they’d run out of fairy liquid bottles & sticky-back plastic.
  5. With list and equipment assembled,  get cracking on those targets.  Go to it!  Pull out all the stops! Work your head off to make your dream happen!
  6. Remember (for what it’s worth..)
  • Ad astra per ardua!
  • Fortune favours the brave!
  • There’s many a slip ‘twixt cup & lip!
  • Rome wasn’t built in a day!
  • If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again!

 

  • In conclusion: We hope that reading this guide will transform your life. We should like to thank all those without whose hard work, this guide would never have be written. All rights reserved.

 

Tried and Tested? Castle Coop Villagers commissioned!

In the interests of integrity,  The Awesome Hen’s  latest addition to the ‘6 Easy Steps’ series of guidebooks was of course, thoroughly tested on your behalf before publication.

Trev the Rev, Brown Owl and Liberty Hen all undertook to follow the guide’s instructions meticulously and agreed to report back saying whether or not they’d achieved their goals successfully.

This month’s Prize Competition!

Below are the lists of personal goals which Trev the Rev, Brown Owl and Liberty Hen all drew up in an effort to achieve them by following TAH’s latest ‘6 Easy Steps’ guide. The first reader to match each list to its correct author will win a virtual bottle of fizz. Please send all competition entries to: The Editor, TAH, Castle Coop.

Disclaimer: no Castle Coop villager is allowed to submit more than one entry (see reg. 1034)

Which villager wrote which list?

who wrote which list 2


N.B All entries to this month’s Prize Competition should be received by 30/08/16 

‘Choosing the possible?’

A personal journey towards either success or failure… (by Liberty Hen)

Following the ‘6 Easy Steps’ guide’s advice as to how to achieve my goals, I ruthlessly culled all the impossible ones & admired the orderly appearance of the two words left on my list in a nice, neat, straight line. Fired by enthusiasm and hope I embraced the idea of hard work, tenacity and grit; in a jiffy I was fearlessly tackling the ‘Assemble all equipment required to perform each task on your list in advance’ step. . Hurrah!

First piece of essential equipment: An exciting Met Office report.

Hello sunshine

Second piece of essential equipment: An essential recipe.

scrumptiousness in a glass!

I had to ask The Agent to go rooting about in the attic for the deck chair (third piece of essential equipment). Unfortunately several encounters with cobwebs made him rather grumpy for a short while but harmonious relations were re-established quickly.

 

Result:  Success! A win for The Graf and Lady Egality! I am delighted to attest that having meticulously taken the advice set out in their really excellent new guide, I am now able to be happy in the sunshine. Yay!

-How to be happy

 

Why not try their methods out for yourself & transform your life in 6 easy steps?

Yours on behalf of our crack Editorial Team here at The Awesome Hen,

LLH signature

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Our Anniversary!

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Our Anniversary!

 

Our Anniversary!

 

Today The Agent & I have been married for 32 years!

Sir Burford Brown came by and seeing our Anniversary cards, kindly wished us a happy celebration. Then he asked if we’d realised that these days, you get less time for murder & roared with laughter.

 

Happy Anniversary faint

We were married at 2.30 in the afternoon and The Agent was late as he went to the wrong church first by mistake. Without realising he was at St. Francis’ church instead of St. Michael’s, he walked all the way up the aisle with his Best Man, only to find another Groom in morning dress already seated in the front pew glowering at him.

 

10 reasons why I’m glad the Agent realised his mistake & didn’t marry the other bride

(who apparently was extremely pretty) instead of me :

  1. I like remembering him singing ‘Guide Me O Thou Great Redeemer’ at our wedding.
  2. I don’t think my life would be much fun without either him or the Chicks major, minor and minimus in it.
  3. He always brings me a cup of tea in bed on Saturday & Sunday mornings.
  4. He doesn’t get cross when I wake him up in the night to tell him something I’ve just thought of.
  5. He doesn’t mind when I burn the supper. I hope that he doesn’t anyway.
  6. He makes me laugh.
  7. He showed me how to use the gears on my bike and then showed me again.
  8. He gives me flowers.
  9. He didn’t get cross with me when I pranged his car.
  10. He shows me where the constellations are in the night sky and tells me what the stars are called.

 

1 reason why the Agent might be glad he married me:

  1. There are many, many skills which alas, I don’t possess but I do happen to be an excellent remover of spiders. As it turned out, this has come in very handy during our marriage for while the Agent turns pale if he spots anything moving with more than 4 legs, I remain calm. Isn’t that lucky?  And…perhaps the other bride might have hesitated at the altar if asked to sign up to 32 years’ worth of arachnid disposal.

 

loveheart

 

Yours hoping that he really didn’t mind too much when I dented the car,

LLH signature

 

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